Redesigning Your Home After the Kids Move Out (and What to Do with Their Rooms)

I was walking through a client's home during a consultation recently when they took me upstairs to a big converted attic. It was basically their son's own apartment: his bedroom, his office and his TV room all in one. Now he's away at college, and obviously all that space didn't need to stay devoted to him anymore. So we spent a good while up there talking through what it could be next, and how it could work for more than one thing.

We have some version of that conversation a lot in the fall. The kids head off to school in August, and by October the house is really quiet. Their rooms are still exactly how they left them, and nobody's quite sure what to do next.

I know it can feel a little sad. But it's also a really good time to redesign, because for the first time in a long time you get to set the house up for you. We ask every client early on if they're designing for resale or for themselves, and empty nesters almost always say "for us" without even thinking about it.

First, Pay Attention to How You Live Now

Before you move anything, give it a week or two and just notice where you actually spend your time, and which rooms you haven't walked into in a month.

Most houses are still set up for a schedule that's gone. Homework at the kitchen island and backpacks dumped by the back door. Now it might be dinner at the counter and reading in bed most nights, with the dining room getting used at Thanksgiving. That's fine! It just tells you where to start.

The rooms you use every day should come first. The ones you never go in are ready for a new job.

That Formal Living Room

A lot of the homes we work in around the Nashville area have a formal living room right off the front door. It made sense when the family room was full of kids and you needed one room that stayed clean for company. These days it mostly holds the nice sofa nobody sits on (and sometimes the Amazon returns).

So give it a real job. A library with two great reading chairs and shelves for all the books that have been in boxes. Or a little bar for having friends over before dinner. And this is Nashville, so a music room for the piano or guitars is a real option too.

Pick one thing and furnish the room for that. What usually doesn't work is keeping all the formal furniture and adding a desk in the corner, because then the room still doesn't get used. Just make sure there's enough seating for the holidays. You're still going to host!

What to Do with the Kids' Rooms

This is the hard one. We know the kids are still coming home for the holidays and breaks, so we don't want to completely overhaul their rooms. Nobody wants to come home from college and feel like their room disappeared. At the same time, don't let it become the storage room for the next five years. That happens a lot.

Talk to your kids before you change anything. It's their stuff and their memories, so give them a date to come home and go through it. Then pick a few things to keep out, maybe a shelf of their books or something they made in art class, and box up or donate the rest.

What we usually do is update the room so it works both ways. It's a guest room or an office most of the year, and it's still their room when they're home. If it's an office, put a daybed or a really good sleeper sofa in there. If it's a guest room, make it somewhere your grown kid actually wants to stay. That means a good mattress, a lamp on both sides of the bed, an empty drawer, a little closet space and somewhere to set a suitcase. Hooks on the back of the door are a small thing, but people always notice.

One more tip for down the road. If you want to turn a bedroom into a big closet or dressing room (I love this idea), furnish it that way instead of remodeling it. Keep the closet and the door where they are, so it still counts as a bedroom if you ever sell.

Your Bedroom Goes First

For most families the primary bedroom is the last room that gets any attention. It's where the laundry gets folded and the extra dining chair ends up. If you don't know where to start, start here. You begin and end every day in that room.

It usually doesn't take much. A better mattress, bedding you actually love, a chair and lamp for reading, shades that really block the light, and nightstands big enough for everything you keep by the bed. It makes a huge difference in how you feel in the house.

Buying the Things You've Been Putting Off

For years a lot of furniture decisions came down to one question: will it survive the kids? So you got the darker sofa and skipped the rug you loved because of the dog. Now you get to go back to that list.

I always tell clients to start with what they use every day, like the sofa, your reading chair, the mattress and the table you eat at. Buy those well, and then add the fun statement pieces. If grandkids or a dog are in the picture, performance fabric is still a smart call. It just comes in much better colors and textures than it used to.

This is also when you can finally bring out the things you've been saving. The art that's been sitting in a closet, or the dresser from your grandmother that never had the right spot. Now there's room for it.

You Don't Have to Do It All at Once

Honestly, a lot of people don't know yet how they want to live in the house, and that's normal. It can take six months or a year to figure out whether you really need an office, or whether you'll travel more and want a house that's easy to lock up and leave.

So I usually suggest doing this in phases. Start with the rooms you use every day and the one that's been bugging you the longest. Live with that for a bit, and the rest gets a lot easier to figure out.

And if you're standing in a quiet bedroom right now wondering what it should be next, well, that's what we're here for.